It's 2022 and we're just coming out of a pandemic and it's been totally mad everywhere on earth.  And not the Hatter kind of mad, either.  But the kind that drains you of your soul and everything that makes you feel human.  Yes, we're spoiled in first world countries.  Other countries live with war and strife on a regular basis.  But even so, the pandemic most likely shook them to their core as well.  

We are all in this together, my friends.  No matter our race, our nationality, our sex, our identities, our religion, and anything else that can separate us.  We've all been affected by this, in one way or another.  Some WAY more than others, but still.  Our lives have been changed in ways that we never get back to again.  

One of those ways is that we've separated ourselves from one another (if we were smart).  We stopped participating in the social construct of congregating and/or visiting one another.  And if we didn't have a close circle of people to keep in contact with, what little contact we've had with the outside may have all together disappeared.  

Or, maybe you've taken this time to realize all the people in your life suck and used the pandemic as a way to distance yourself from them (if so, kudos to you!).  And that has also left you more alone than you thought you'd be.  

Or, you can be like my family, and socially distanced yourselves long before the pandemic and in this moment you're really feeling that space between you and society.  

Whatever your reasoning is, you are feeling it.  We all are.  Maybe it takes the total breakdown of society (for a short-ish period of time) for all of us to realize that this isn't the lives we wanted all along.  Maybe we need something more?  Something deeper?  Something concreate and real? 

That's where tribes come along.  

Think about one of the best shows on television (and if you don't agree, that's okay, you just can't be in my tribe) "Friends".  It's wholly unrealistic and silly, but under all that fake TV shit is a real set of friends who treat each other as family.  That's what we're aiming for here.  People who always have your back (unless it's hurting someone).  People who always want the best for you and love you no matter what (well, unless you're a jerk or something).  People who do not judge you in any way, shape, or form.  Now, that's mostly unheard of, but totally doable (ssshhh, I have the secret formula for that!).  We all ache for people like that in our lives.  Whether they are actual family, friends, partners, or new people we bring into our lives.  We ache for realness.  For understanding.  For a true safe haven to call home.  That is what a tribe is for.  

And I am here to tell you....

I have no idea if that's possible. 

Just kidding.  I know it's mostly possible.  I have it with my family, my husband and two kids, but nobody else in my entire life (I am almost 45) has ever shown me they have the ability to truly be in my family's tribe.  I've run several women's groups, and they've always completely imploded, mostly around 2 years in, but some sooner than that.  I've been in a long-term support group, also imploded after 5 years.  I've run many online support groups, where people just wither away and stop showing up.  So, I became jaded and just quit.  I quit the outside world.  I figured if this is how it is, then why freaking try?  

At first, it was hard as hell.  Lots of emotions: depression, rejection, anger, hostility, etc.  But then it became wonderful and easy.  But then it became hard again, and those emotions came rushing back.  I don't think humans are meant to be alone so much.  But I also don't think they should be subjected to the drama of crazymakers either.  So, I did some inspecting and found that all of these groups, and friendships I made throughout the years, they mostly followed a pattern.  Not completely the same pattern, but sort of.  

And this is what I learned: 

• Friendships wither away and die if the two people do not match one another in most ways.  Meaning, if one is rich and one is poor, that's hard to keep on an even keel together.  If one is a mom and one isn't (or a dad), then that can be hard, too.  One works long hours and the other is a homemaker, that's also hard to keep up the friendship.  Another issue I see a lot of is is when one friend mentally outgrows the other (meaning one becomes and adult, and the other doesn't).  When one friend feels inferior to other, no matter the reason, even if the other one isn't making them feel that way, it will eventually erode the bond between the two.  I found myself keeping friends just because we'd always been friends, rather than realizing we'd outgrown each other (or one of us outgrew the other).  Friendships need to be evenly matched, otherwise resentment will rear its ugly head and one friend will feel either used or inferior.  And that's no way to keep a friendship.  
• Support groups or other big groups of any kind (like mommy groups) will IMPLODE due to judgement and gossip.  That is the #1 reason why women have such a hard time being friends with each other.  Or why they don't feel good about being friends with each other.  I am not being sexist here, it's a known fact that most of the gossip comes from women, who learned it from their parents.  I know I did.  And I broke the fuck out of a few different groups I was running due to this issue.  I was a horrible gossip!  And I really, really hurt some people in the process.  This is the one thing we ALL need to stop doing, right this very moment.  But you can't really stop the gossip until you change your judgmental thinking.  Which is what we'll talk about later (in my secret formula!--and no, I am not going to sell it to you, this all free baby!)  Another reason is witholding, meaning not telling someone else when you're angry, for fear of how they will react (which is something we address in tribe building).  
• Romantic relationships take a big crap when both partners are also not evenly matched.  But also, when one or both partners are insecure and have no idea how to be honest with one another without judgment.  We'll talk more about this later.  
• Familial relationships break down usually due to some form of narcissism or another (which can also be said for all of the above).  One person did something wrong and other won't forgive someone did something wrong and won't apologize (because they obviously did nothing wrong, duh!).  I am not saying we should all forgive and forget (I actually advocate for the opposite of forgetting and usually the forgiving, too), and I am not saying all familial relationship breakdowns are bad (they are usually good, and help you to get away from toxic people).  But I do know it hurts and that's why we need a tribe to help heal it.